its my first time typing up a post on a macbook pro! :] this is actually pretty fun. anyways, my life has been so hectic lately. i feel so like messed up each and every day. i don’t know what’s going on in my life and i feel like a wandering soul. there’s so much on my mind and i honestly don’t know how to deal with it. i’ve been feeling so moody that i don’t want to eat nor sleep or doing anything at all. at school, i’m just so lifeless and exams are coming up. ugh, why is everything so hard? why do i have to be living such a complicated life? what kind of world do i live in? my life is honestly messed up beyond recognition and i don’t want to do anything. i just want to go to a far away place and be in my own little world. i honestly don’t want to care about anything and just like escape. i need my escape; a place away from everything, away from reality. i think the only thing keeping me alive right now is church. there, i am so free & god reigns. the people are also so amazing that they keep me alive. i can’t even imagine where i would be without those people in my life. i’ve realized in every situation i’ve been in, its the people that make a difference, not the place. everyone that is important to me right now was put in my life by god & now all that i fear is one day everyone will all leave me. there will be nothing left & me? well, i’ll be so lonely & lost. i won’t know how to live anymore. right now, i feel like i’m just alive & not living. what is life if you’re alive in the moment, but aren’t living it? i wonder..